The Power of Naming Feelings
Part 11 in the Understanding your emotion's series
A child storms off after an argument with a friend. When asked what's wrong, the reply comes quickly: "I don't know." Another child describes every difficult feeling as: "Angry." Whether they are disappointed, embarrassed, worried or left out, the answer remains the same. Children often experience emotions long before they have the language to describe them. Yet words can play an important role in emotional development.
The ability to recognise, label and discuss feelings appears to be closely linked to emotional understanding (Hoemann, Xu & Barrett, 2019).
The question is: How do children learn to make sense of what they are feeling?
Feeling Something Isn't the Same as Understanding It
Most adults have experienced moments when they knew something felt wrong but struggled to explain exactly what it was. Children face this challenge regularly. They may notice a tight feeling in their chest, a knot in their stomach, a racing heart, or a strong urge to avoid something, without fully understanding what those sensations mean.
Learning to recognise emotions involves more than simply feeling them - it involves learning how to interpret them. Psychologist Richard Lazarus argued that emotions depend partly on how experiences are interpreted and appraised (Lazarus, 1991). Children are gradually learning those interpretations.
From "Angry" to "Disappointed"
Young children often use a small number of emotion words. Everything unpleasant can become angry, sad, or scared. As emotional knowledge develops, children begin making finer distinctions.
This process is sometimes referred to as emotional granularity, the ability to identify emotions with greater precision. Why does that matter? Because different emotions often require different responses:
Feeling disappointed may call for comfort.
Feeling frustrated may call for support.
Feeling embarrassed may call for reassurance.
The more precisely emotions are understood, the easier they often become to manage.
What Emotional Vocabulary Gives Children
Learning emotion words is not simply about communication. Emotional vocabulary can help children:
recognise patterns,
identify triggers,
understand experiences,
discuss problems,
seek support.
Research suggests that emotional concepts help people organise and make sense of emotional experiences (Hoemann, Xu & Barrett, 2019). In simple terms, words give shape to experiences that might otherwise feel confusing. A child who can say "I'm nervous" has already taken a step towards understanding what is happening.
More Than Just Words
However, emotional literacy is not simply about memorising vocabulary. Most children can learn lists of emotion words. The real challenge is using those words accurately. Learning emotional literacy means learning to connect bodily sensations, thoughts and experiences with emotional language (Barrett, 2017; Damasio, 1994).
Why Adults Matter
Children rarely develop emotional vocabulary in isolation. Adults play an important role, and everyday conversations help children learn emotional language.
Instead of asking: "Are you okay?" adults might ask: "Do you feel disappointed?" "Do you feel frustrated?" or "Do you feel worried about what might happen?"
This gives children opportunities to hear and practise new emotional concepts.
Social learning theory suggests that children learn significantly through observation and interaction (Bandura, 1977). This applies to emotional language as much as any other skill.
A Word of Caution
Naming a feeling does not remove it - a child who identifies anxiety is not suddenly calm. But emotional labelling can create understanding, and understanding often makes regulation easier.
As psychiatrist Daniel Siegel famously suggested: "Name it to tame it" (Siegel & Bryson, 2012).
While Siegal’s phrase is a simplification, it captures an important truth: Emotions are often less overwhelming when they make sense.
What Does This Mean for Adults?
The goal is not to teach children as many emotion words as possible. The goal is to help children understand themselves.
This means:
noticing emotions,
discussing emotions,
exploring different feeling words,
recognising emotional patterns,
and treating emotions with curiosity.
Children cannot always tell us what they are feeling. Sometimes they genuinely do not know. Learning emotional language helps bridge that gap.
Try This
The next time a child seems upset: Instead of asking: "What's wrong?" try: "What feeling would best describe this?" or "If this feeling had a name, what might it be?"
Offer possibilities rather than expecting immediate answers.
Questions for Reflection
Which emotion words were commonly used during your childhood?
Are some emotions easier to name than others?
Which feelings do children seem to struggle to describe?
Key Takeaway
Children are not born knowing how to describe their emotional experiences, they gradually learn emotional concepts through conversations, relationships, language and experience. Words do not merely help children talk about feelings., they help children make sense of them.
References
Bandura, A. (1977). Social Learning Theory. Prentice Hall.
Barrett, L. F. (2017). How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain.
Damasio, A. R. (1994). Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain.
Hoemann, K., Xu, F., & Barrett, L. F. (2019). Emotion Words, Emotion Concepts, and Emotional Development.
Lazarus, R. S. (1991). Emotion and Adaptation.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child.
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